


A Time to Heal

by Kintsugi (Frakme)



Series: Kintsugi [2]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape Recovery, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-06 04:27:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1844371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frakme/pseuds/Kintsugi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing scenes from 'Kintsugi', focusing on Trip's recovery from Archer's abuse of him. Takes place between January - March 2152 and before the events in 'Overcoming Fears'</p><p>Major Character death refers to the one in 'Kintsugi'. You need to read Kintsugi before reading this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Night Before the Verdict

“Trip.”

The blond man standing at the window didn’t turn at the sound of his name. He started when he felt a hand touch his arm and turned around abruptly, blue eye wide.

“Mal!” he said when he recognised the man who had touched him.

“Are you alright?”

Trip shook his head.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be alright,” he said. “He hated me so much and for all the wrong reasons.”

“You had no idea, did you?”

“No… all I knew was that I was at his mercy. I didn’t understand why he wanted to hurt me so much, except that he got pleasure from causing me pain. I thought there was something about me, something wrong with me that made him want to do that.”

Trip looked at the floor, his face flushing.

“You know I was destined to be a pleasure slave?”

“Yes, I did Trip.”

Trip sat down on a nearby sofa and Malcolm sat next to him, carefully keeping his distance.

“There were times when I was with Jonathan that I think I would’ve been better off if Henry had never bought me. At least at the pleasure house, I would’ve been looked after, I wouldn’t have been beaten or raped.”

“And you would never had a chance to fulfil your potential.”

“I never would’ve known any different.” Trip turned away from Malcolm to stare out of the window, which afforded a view of San Francisco Bay.

“He will be found guilty tomorrow,” said Malcolm, guessing this was the source of Trip’s disquiet.

“You don’t know that for certain… there’s still a chance.”

“Trip, you’re wrong!” Malcolm was exasperated now. “The evidence against him is overwhelming. The Hegemony know that it’s in its best interests to get rid of a failure of a captain. They’ve already lost face over this.”

He reached over to tilt Trip’s face towards his own.

“Listen to me,” he said, his voice low and intent. “I will not allow him near you again. If by some bizarre chance he walks free, I will hunt him down and I will _kill_ him. You have my word on it.”

Trip looked at him, sorrow in his blue eye.

“Tell me truthfully, Malcolm. Is there something wrong with me? Will you one day tire of waitin’ for me to give you what you want and take it instead?”

The smaller man fought down a surge of anger. If Archer walked free, he wouldn’t stop at killing him; he would kill those who freed him.

He lightly stroked Trip’s cheek and spoke earnestly to the other man.

“There is nothing wrong with you, love. You have my word I will not take anything from you against your will. I am nothing like him!”

Trip cringed slightly as the implication of the words sank in.

“I’m sorry, Mal. I never meant to imply you were anything like him!”

Malcolm dropped his hand and Trip stood up, moving back to the window. The captain watched him, seeing the shoulders slumped. He knew how hard the the trial has been on the engineer. Both Phlox and T’Pol had spoken to the captain, urging him to be patient, to give the other man space.

He couldn’t wait for this all to be over. He was certain Archer would be found guilty in the morning and Trip would be safe from him, though he had a feeling that his beloved wouldn’t feel that way until Archer was dead. He’d already heard from his sources that the death penalty was being sought. The former _Enterprise_ captain had caused a huge embarrassment to Fleet Command, not only did he murder the man who had been chosen to command the Hegemony’s flag ship, but he had proven himself to be an incompetent commander as well as a corrupt and sadistic individual. Several of his ex lovers, including Erika Hernandez, the captain of the Columbia had spoken of their shock at hearing of his treatment of his father’s protégé.

Erika had known Trip almost as long as A.G had. She in particular had taken the revelations in court very hard. She’d been in love with Jonathan, deeply in love, only it turned out the person she thought she loved was someone she didn't know at all.

As for Trip, she’d never had a lot of time for the Floridian engineer. She was well aware of his status an ex slave, aware that he would’ve been a pleasure slave. So she'd looked down on him, though she was never unkind to him, merely indifferent. Yet after that session she’d given Trip a pitying, sorrowful look.

Malcolm got up and slid an arm round Trip’s waist. He was relieved when Trip didn’t move away.

“Stay strong, love. It will be over in the morning.”

They both stayed there, watching the sun set over the bay.


	2. A Visit to the Cemetary

Trip had visited the Starfleet Cemetery several times to pay silent visits to the graves of two men he had loved and lost. Now though, it was time to say the things he had to say.

“Hello, sir,” said Trip as he stood at the foot of the grave, with the headstone inscribed with the name ‘Henry Archer’ and his dates of birth and death.

“They’re going to announce the verdict today, Mal’s certain it’ll be a guilty one.” He paused and then knelt down.

“A.G. was your friend as well as mine, Henry. I hafta keep reminding myself that. Your son murdered your friend. Sometimes, I wished I’d told you after the first time about what he did to me. Maybe I should’ve risked you not believing me. I wish I knew what you would’ve done. Maybe you would’ve sent me back to Max, demanded a refund for damaged goods. If you had taken my part, I know Jonathan would’ve found a way to get me back.

“Sometimes I’m angry with you, that you didn’t notice what was going on, you didn’t notice that some mornings I had difficulty sittin’ and walkin’ because I was in pain. Jonathan musta convinced you well about my little crush on him. I guess I can’t blame you for not wanting to think the worst of your only son.

“I loved you Henry, despite what Jonathan did to me. I jus’ hope you can forgive me for not being strong enough to stand up to him, to put a stop to what he was doing to me. Maybe then A.G. would still be alive and Jonathan wouldn’t be standing trial for murder.”

He stood back up and wiped his face with his sleeve. He knew after tomorrow, he wouldn’t be visiting here again. How could he? He would have the blood of Henry’s only son on his hands.

He moved up, a few graves on was the grave of Robinson. He went to the head and traced the name with his fingers. He noticed there was a small jar of daisies on the grave, quite fresh and wondered who’d left them there. A.G. had had a few women in his life since his fiancée had died, though none serious.

“It’ll be all over tomorrow, Cap’n,” said Trip to the grave. “He’ll be punished for depriving you of your command and your life.”

He sighed softly as once again he knelt at the grave of someone he’d loved.

“I’m sorry, A.G. I’m sorry I told you about him, I shoulda kept my damn mouth shut. Should never have kissed you or told you that I loved you. I had enough damn clues that you wouldn’t feel the same way ‘bout me. I know you cared about me though.

“Anyway, I wanna tell you I have found someone who loves me. He takes care o’ me, loves me when no one else would. I want so much to repay him for what he’s done for me. It’s crazy, isn’t it? I could lie there and endure whatever Jonathan did to me, but I’m scared shitless of Mal makin’ love to me. How fucked up is that?”

He laughed softly, humourlessly.

“There are times, when I think I should just do it, just go to him and tell him to fuck me, to get it over with. But I know if I did that, I wouldn’t be feeling the man I love, but the man I hate. Then I’ll end up hatin’ Mal and I never wanna do that. Not when I owe him everything.

“So I’m gonna wait, I’m going to let go of what little pride I still have left and ask for help. There are people, aliens would ya believe, who wanna help me. I’m gonna let them for Mal’s sake. Because I love him and I’m so damned scared of losing him, that he’ll tire of waiting and just take what he wants from me or worse, push me away forever.

“I’d better go, it starts in less than hour. ‘Bye, A.G. And you’re right, it would’ve be one helluva ride.”

 

_Hey man, I’m alive, I’m taking each day and night at a time._

_Man, I’m down, but I’ll know I’ll get by._

_Hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah I’m gotta live my life,_

_I’m gonna pick up all the pieces and what’s left of my pride._

_Feelin’ like a Monday but someday I’ll be Saturday night._

**_\- Bon Jovi, Someday I’ll be Saturday Night_ **

 

 


	3. The Reparations Begin

Captain Reed entered Sickbay and found the Denobulan doctor in his office.

“Thank you for coming, Captain,” said Phlox as he gestured Malcolm into a seat.

“May I offer you some tea?”

The captain nodded sharply and the doctor bustled about with his tea things. He’d acquired a taste for Earl Grey on Earth and had been given a tea set by his friend Dr Lucas, who had introduced him to the beverage. Phlox set the cups and saucers in front of the captain, who added a teaspoon of sugar to his cup.

“Malcolm,” said Phlox. “I wish to know your intention towards Charles.”

He was taken a little aback by the doctor’s use of his first name but then he guessed he had done that deliberately, wanting this conversation to be on a personal level. Still he was affronted by the doctor’s presumption and his eyes narrowed. Surprisingly, the doctor didn’t even flinch.

“What concern is it of yours, Phlox?”

“The welfare of every person on board this vessel is my concern, Captain. Even yours. I am concerned that Charles is an exceedingly vulnerable individual and I do not wish to see him being taken advantage of.”

“So concerned with his welfare that you allowed Archer to bully you into almost killing him, before you permanently disabled him!” Malcolm sneered as he placed the cup and saucer down on the desk.

Phlox’s face was grim.

“Believe me, I am very aware of my failures and I am attempting to recompense for them. Which is why I feel obliged to look out for his interests as no one else will.”

“That is where you are mistaken, Doctor," retorted Reed, tightly. "I too am interested in his welfare. Which is why he is currently residing in his own quarters and I have given him the code to mine. I am sure that you are aware that if I wished it, I could order him to my bed."

Malcolm stood up and for a moment, Phlox saw under the captain's mask someone who had been worn down by recent events. He remembered being surprised when he checked the records, Tucker was the elder by two years, yet Reed seemed much older. It wasn’t just the engineer’s boyish looks, but the gravitas that the captain had.

The façade returned, yet when Phlox’s overly bright blue eyes met Reed’s dark ones, he saw a softness in them.

“I love him, Doctor,” he admitted. “I would do anything for him.” Then he leaned over the desk, his eyes hardening once again.

“I am well aware of the limitations of Terran medicine and I am also aware that Denobulan medicine is far more advanced. Find a way to restore his eye. That would recompense for your failings, Doctor.”

Phlox swallowed nervously.

“You know the Vulcans have forbidden me to pass on any knowledge to your people that don’t have already.”

He shrank back when he saw the coldness in the captain’s eyes.

“I don’t care, you will do what it takes,” he said. “Otherwise it maybe that I would be better off with a Human doctor and dispose of you.”

“You wouldn’t dare, captain!”

Captain Reed smiled and Phlox wondered if Tucker was even aware of this side of him.

“I’ll do what I can, Captain,” he said quietly. “I suppose I do owe him.”

“Yes you do.”

Reed turned on his heel and left.

* * *

He went down to Engineering, which was a bustle of activity, unsurprising as they were due to depart the next day. He entered unobtrusively from the warp coolant monitoring room, onto the high level platform that overlooked the reactor. He stood in the shadows watching what was going on, watching his chief engineer and lover guiding his staff competently. They had just brought the warp reactor back online after a thorough strip down maintenance job. Trip was concerned about possible damage to the engine done when he sabotaged it to fractured the dilithium crystal. The captain knew Trip felt guilty about any damage he might have caused to his beloved engine.

He watched for a while, admiring his blond lover both as a highly skilled engineer and a man, the way he looked so strong and confident, back straight, head held high, blue eye flashing. He felt a stirring of desire for him which he ruthlessly suppressed; now was not the time. Taking a deep breath, he walked along the bay and down the steps, to where Trip was. The crewman he was speaking to noticed him first.

“Captain on the deck!” he announced, snapping to attention. Trip and the other crew nearby did the same.

“At ease,” said the captain, nodding approvingly. The crew all saluted him.

“Cap'n, we’re ready when you are,” Trip said. “You give us the word and we’ll be on our way.”

“Very good, Commander. We depart at 0700 tomorrow morning. You will join me for dinner at 1830?”

“Sir, I have an appointment with Doctor Phlox at 1800,” he said quietly. “It may overrun.”

“I’ll tell Crewman Cunningham to expect us at 1900, in that case.”

“Yes sir, thank you sir.”

Malcolm gave him a small nod and Trip saluted him. Although their relationship was now an open secret on the ship, he preferred that their public demeanour together remained professional at all times. It was imperative that both he and the commander maintained the respect of the crew.

Trip had had a moment of panic when he came back on board the _Enterprise_ , wondering what his engineering crew thought of him, if they knew what Archer had done to him. The trial, although it was done in a closed court, was well publicised and the crew knew some of Commander Tucker’s involvement in it, though the publicity was more focused on the murder of A.G. Robinson, rather than what Archer had done to his chief engineer.

Malcolm kept an ear to the wind and quietly transferred a couple of engineering crew members Earthside who had made disparaging remarks about the chief engineer. One other crew member was also transferred, however it was via an airlock without the benefit of an EV suit, a circumstance officially recorded as a freak accident. However, the rest of the crew chose to take it in the spirit it was meant; a warning.

He made his way back to the bridge, stopping by the galley to convey the message about the change of time for dinner. He could’ve called on the comm, but he liked the crew to know they could expect him anywhere, anytime.

 


	4. First Steps, First Stumble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay, this chapter was a bit uncooperative!

Trip felt drained after his session with Phlox, though they hadn’t actually done very much. This was the first session of what Phlox warned could be many to try and help the engineer to recover from the years of psychological damage that had been inflicted on him. Phlox had outlined to him what they would do and he’d asked Trip what he wanted to achieve.

“I want the nightmares to stop,” he’d said quietly. “I want to be normal, to-” He’d stopped, embarrassed.

“Everything you say in here is privileged information, Charles. I will not pass judgement on anything you reveal to me.” Phlox’s bright blue eyes had shone with compassion.

They had started off talking of his childhood, growing up as the child of a pleasure slave. Sharing the memories of his much adored and much missed mother had relaxed him. When they got to the point where he’d been sold to Henry Archer, they stopped, making an appointment for the next day.

He mulled over the suggestion Phlox had left him with. T’Pol had offered to teach him to meditate, to help him get a better handle on his emotions, in particular his anger and fear. It was needed, he knew. A couple of days ago, there had been an incident in which he attacked one of the engineering crew.

Lieutenant Rostov, his newly promoted second in command had reported an issue with the atmospheric processor on F deck. A rise in carbon dioxide levels had been reported on that deck so Trip had grabbed his tool kit and gone to take a look for himself, needing a change of scenery.

He found the problem quick enough; a faulty oxygen sensor, but it was quite fiddly to get at. So he was on his knees, absorbed in his task, when Crewman Fuller came down with a requisition for him to sign. Fuller had only touched the Commander on the shoulder after he’d failed to respond to the crewman’s use of his name. The next thing the hapless crewman knew was that he was flat on his back, his jaw aching, with the Commander standing over him looking wild eyed, hands curled into fists.

He’d gotten himself back under control and helped Fuller to Sickbay, apologising to the crewman. Word got around and his crew were careful not to get too close to him, or startle him in anyway, which only left him feeling more isolated.

He mulled over the suggestion of T’Pol’s help as he made his way to the mess to join the captain for dinner, deciding he would talk it over with Malcolm. The captain was already there when he arrived, talking to the bridge on the comm, dressed in dark grey slacks and a pale grey shirt. Trip had showered and dressed in a similar fashion before reporting to Phlox, in navy slacks and a light blue shirt.

The captain silently gestured Trip to a seat. He finished his call and sat down himself. Covered dishes already sat on the table, so they would not be disturbed by the stewards. They had not eaten in here very often, Malcolm often preferred to eat at his desk or in the mess hall itself. Occasionally he would dine in his mess with T’Pol and Phlox.

They lifted the covers to reveal steak Diane, with roasted potatoes, and steamed carrots and broccoli. Trip froze momentarily, assailed with memories. They’d had steak Diane the first time they’d eaten together here. The day after the last time Jonathan had raped him. The day that Malcolm revealed his feelings towards him. The day that his life turned around, at the moment he thought he had hit rock bottom.

“Trip, are you alright?” Malcolm was looking at him with concern written on his features. Trip looked back at him and took a deep breath, before nodding. He deliberately cut a piece of steak and ate it.

“It’s good,” he said, after swallowing. “It’s been a while since I had a decent piece of steak.” Malcolm smiled and turned to his own meal, while Trip attacked his with gusto. Yes, he was determined to remember that his life had started to get better, though not straight away, after that dinner.

They talked of inconsequentials while they ate, Trip telling the captain about the upgrades that had been completed on the engines, the extra power couplings he himself had installed in the armoury, the back ups for the phase cannons. Afterwards, he was delighted to find pecan pie for dessert, with bourbon vanilla ice cream. When they finished their dessert, he leaned back in his seat, contented and replete.

“Thanks, Mal,” he said. “I skipped lunch today.” The captain frowned.

“I know you did. Don’t let it happen again.” He got up and retrieved a small package from the cupboard behind him and gave it to Trip.

“What’s this?” The engineer looked at it, it was a small, flat box. He opened it at the other man’s nod then let out a low whistle when he realised what it was.

“Mal, this is incredible!” It was a set of tools, a miniature set, Swiss made and clearly expensive. He pulled one of them out, a small cross head screwdriver and admired the workmanship. The kit was much like the one that Henry had given him on his graduation from Starfleet Academy, that he had used to build the miniature engine models in his quarters. The kit that had mysteriously gone missing when he’d been demoted by Archer.

He’d never mentioned it to Malcolm, they’d had bigger concerns at the time and his damaged models had been consigned to a cupboard in his quarters, untouched.

“It’s a gift… I saw it in an antique shop a few days ago and I thought you would like it.”

“Mal, I love it! Thank you!” Trip glanced at him slyly. “Can we go back to your quarters so I can thank you properly?”

Mal got up and nodded, smiling.

“Of course.”

* * *

As soon as the door closed on the captain’s quarters, Trip took him into his arms and kissed him thoroughly. Malcolm smiled inwardly, it was the first time that Trip had initiated anything intimate since before the trial.

“Thank you, Mal,” he said when he broke the kiss. “I’ve been thinking I’d like to fix my models.”

“You’re welcome, Trip,” he said, smiling. “Would you like a drink?”

The engineer nodded and sat on the couch while Malcolm picked a cold beer from the small fridge for Trip and a dark ale from the shelf above for himself. He sat next to Trip and the blond man rested his head on his shoulder.

“How did your session go with Phlox?”

“Okay, I guess. We jus’ talked about my mama.” Trip laughed. “That sounds like a cliché, don’t it?”

“I presume he has to start somewhere,” offered Malcolm. “You are going to stick with it aren’t you?”

“I will, I promise. He says I should ask T’Pol to teach me to meditate.” He looked uncertain. “Do you think I should?”

“It’s not about whether I think you should but whether _you_ think you should.”

“He says it’ll help with keeping my cool. I don’t wanna risk another incident like the one with Fuller.” He looked shamefaced, obviously remembering how he'd struck the other man.

“It sounds like you think you should. Ask her tomorrow.”

Malcolm stroked the other man’s cheek, then kissed the blond head. Trip responded by tilting his face up for another kiss. Their lips met, the kiss intensifying. Malcolm felt a rush of lust, as had done earlier in engineering. Yet he had a nagging doubt about whether Trip felt it too, feeling him tense as he placed a hand on Trip's hip.

Malcolm broke the kiss and gently pushed Trip away.

“Tell me what you want, Trip,” he said, looking searchingly into the other man’s face.

“To thank you for my present, Mal.” Trip’s honeyed voice went straight to the captain’s groin. The engineer knelt between his lover’s legs, fumbling with the fastenings of the other man’s trousers. It took all of Malcolm’s willpower to take Trip’s hands and pull them away, when he saw the fingers, normally so deft, struggle with the buttons.

“Stop, Trip,” he said. “You don’t have to do this.” His lover looked up at him in confusion. 

“I want this, I need this, I need to show you-” He stopped, his shoulders slumping, as he realised that Malcolm had seen his ambivalence.

“Fuck!” Trip pressed his fist against his mouth. He closed his eye, laying his cheek on the other man’s lap as Malcolm gently stroked his hair.

“It’s too soon, love,” he said quietly. “And I didn’t give you that gift with any expectations from you, except that you would be pleased with it.”

“I should go,” said Trip, his face flushing with humiliation. He pulled away and stood up. Malcolm stood up as well. He gripped the other man by the arms and looked intently into his face.

“I love you and I know you love me,” he said. “I have plenty of patience. What we have is far too precious to risk by rushing. Talk to Phlox, meditate with T’Pol. Look after your engines.” He smirked. “Besides, I do have a job to do. I have a starship to run, battle planning to do. I expect we will both be very busy over the next few weeks.”

Trip pulled away from Malcolm, smiling softly. He picked up the toolkit. 

"Thank you for understandin', Mal," he said. He left to go back to his quarters. 


	5. Shifting the Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crikey I thought the last chapter was tough to write...

“Sorry I’m late, Doc,” said Tucker as he walked briskly into Phlox’s office. “Combat simulations ran on longer than expected.”

“Not to worry, Commander, please take a seat. I take it we’re battle ready now?” The doctor’s voice was non-committal.

“Yeah, we’ll be going into battle soon. We’ve received word that the Andorians are planning to attack Vulcan Colony Three.”

Phlox frowned.

“It’s mainly civilians isn’t it? There is a scientific research centre there if I’m not mistaken.”

The chief engineer looked grim.

“Yeah, it’s mainly agricultural research and some biomedical as well. Don’t s’ppose the Andorians care much about that. After all they wiped out Vulcan Colony Seven coupla years ago."

The war with the Andorians had been a cold war for decades, with much posturing, redrawing of borders, treaty violations and small scale incursions into each other's territory. However the scale of conflict had increased in the last couple of years when Andoria started actively invading planets in disputed territory, culminating in a devastating attack on the newly formed Vulcan Colony Seven. The colony was close to Andorian space and the Andorians had been convinced that the genetic research facility on the colony was developing biological weapons for use against them. Since then it had been a pattern of strike against counter strike, but slowly the Vulcans, with their superior technology was tilting the odds in their favour, with some help from Earth.

They sat down and Phlox got out his PADD.

“We’ll continue from where we left off shall we? You were thirteen when you were sold to Henry Archer, correct?”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Trip looked down at the floor, hating to be reminded of how he was once property.

“And you lived with him for how long? Five years?”

“Yeah, I joined the academy when I was eighteen. During leave, I worked at Henry’s research lab in Montana, Texas, but I stayed on the complex rather than at Henry’s home.”

“Why was that?”

Trip took a deep breath.

“It was more convenient… and I hoped that Jonathan wouldn’t bother with me there.”

“Were you right?”

“No,” he said sullenly. Finally he looked up. “You already know what he did to me, you were at the trial, you heard all of the sordid details. Do I really need to spell it all out for you again?”

“No, Charles, you don’t. But we do need to talk about how it made you feel.”

“How do you think it made me feel? Like shit!” Trip gripped the arm of the chair tightly, suppressing the urge to flee.

“How would you characterise your relationship with Henry Archer? How did you feel about him?”

“He was like a father to me! He gave me a home, an education, kept me in touch with my mother. He was there for me when she died.”

“But he wasn’t there for you when his son forced himself on you, was he? He didn’t try to stop it did he?” Phlox was calm, his questions seemingly relentless in the face of the engineer's increasing agitation.

“He didn’t know!”

“Did you not think he should have? After all, it was his son who was abusing you. Were they very alike?”

“No! Jonathan was nothing like his father, Henry was a good man!”

“So good he purchased a thirteen year old boy and allowed him to be sexually abused under his roof!”

“HE DIDN’T KNOW!” Trip jumped up from the chair, his face red. “He didn’t know, he thought…” The engineer’s legs gave way and sat heavily back on the chair.

“He thought I was in love with Jonathan.”

Phlox stared calmly at the engineer.

“He didn’t know you very well then,” he said in a neutral tone.

Trip said nothing, once again he stared down at the floor. Phlox could see the younger man arguing internally with himself. He wondered if he should mention the private discussion he’d had with Admiral Forrest, who had been friends with both Henry Archer and his son. The admiral had also thought highly of the engineer, impressed by his obvious skills. Forrest had said that the elder Archer had regarded Charles Tucker as a second son and expressed his relief that Henry had had no idea of what his son had done to his protégé before he died.

“Should I hate him?” asked Trip eventually. “For not knowin’ what his son was doin’ to me?”

“Only you can answer that question, Charles.”

“I don’t want to hate him, Doctor,” he said quietly. “I loved him and he loved me. He freed me, gave me the chance to do what I’d only dreamed of. I think…”

Phlox waited patiently for the engineer to sort his feelings out in his mind.

“I’m angry with him but I don’t hate him.” He let out a sigh with that admission.

Phlox smiled.

“Your anger with him doesn’t change the way you feel about Henry Archer, Charles. Your feelings are valid. Perhaps it would help if you explain why you are angry with him?”

“I keep thinkin' that he should’ve known,” he said softly. “Jonathan was his son and he should’ve known that he was lyin’ to him about me. He could’ve put a stop to it even if it meant sending me away. But if he had, I don't know what would've happened to me. Thanks to Jonathan, I was damaged goods!”

Phlox watched the engineer compassionately as he silently began to sob, overwhelmed by the revelations. But it wasn’t over yet, there were other truths he would have to confront.

“Jonathan Archer was a highly manipulative, charismatic individual. I think he fooled many people into believing he would not be capable of the crimes he committed. A father will always want to believe the best of his children. Is it really unreasonable that Jonathan could have fooled his father in the same way?”

“No, I guess not,” admitted Trip.

“Perhaps you need to reassess where the blame and anger should lie. Should it lie with Henry? Or yourself? Perhaps you could’ve done more to prevent what happened to you.”

Trip looked at the doctor in disbelief.

“I was a kid, a slave, do you know what would’ve happened to me if I’d laid a finger on Jonathan?”

“I’m well aware, Charles. And yet you seem to carry a lot of guilt over what happened to you.”

“I should’ve done something,” he said, yet his voice lacked conviction. “I should’ve told Henry what was going on!”

“You didn’t because Jonathan made you believe his father would take his side rather than yours and as you said, you may have ended up in an even worse situation if you had told the truth.

"Jonathan Archer manipulated you, as he did everyone around him. He took advantage of your vulnerability, knowing you couldn’t put up a fight and by doing that allowed you to take the blame for his actions. The first time he raped you, you were seventeen?”

Trip nodded.

“And he was twenty six, already a Lieutenant in Starfleet, a pilot if I’m not mistaken? Someone others could admire and look up to. Certainly old enough to understand the ramifications of what he was doing to you.

“It wasn’t as if he needed you to satisfy his sexual needs, I understand he’d had many lovers in the time you knew him. He didn’t need you.”

“He was jealous of me, he thought I was fuckin’ his father!” Trip’s voice was full of loathing. “He was God-damned wrong!” Trip got up and started pacing the room, looking even more agitated.

“I saw him, before he was executed, did you know that? I told him that his Dad had been so proud of him, that I’d looked up to him. I think he realised then that he needn’t have hurt me for all those years. He treated me like a thing, like a piece of dirt under his shoe. Just his personal whore, to fuck until I bled!”

He scrubbed his hand through his hair and slumped back into his chair.

“He hated me so much, that’s what I can’t wrap my head around. What did it get him? Vilified and executed. I’m pretty sure if he hadn’t killed A.G., it’d be him as captain of the  _Columbia_ ‘stead of Erika Hernandez.”

“He brought it all on himself, Charles. You weren’t to blame for his actions, he was. You’ve been blaming yourself for not stopping him from abusing you when you should’ve been blaming him. He made a choice and took yours away from you. Do you see that now, Charles?”

“I guess,” he said, uncertainly. “You’ve given me something to think about.”

“I think that’s enough for today, Charles. Same time tomorrow?” He handed Trip a tissue so he could wipe his face.

“Yeah,” the engineer said as he stood up. “Thanks Doctor.” He glanced at chrono on the wall. “T’Pol’s expecting me now.”

Phlox nodded, glad the Human engineer had taken up his suggestion.

* * *

Trip entered the Vulcan’s quarters nervously. He looked around curiously; he’d never been in them before. It was austere as he’d expected it to be, softly lit by the large candles scattered around. Instead of her usual tightly fitted catsuit, she was dressed in a long sleeved, high necked tunic and trousers in a silken fabric which hid her slender form.

There was a mat on the floor and she knelt down on it, gesturing him to do the same. She then carefully placed a candle between the two of them.

“You have just come from Phlox?” she asked.

“Yeah, I did.” He wondered with shame if she’d noticed he’d been crying. He realised she did with her next statement.

“A difficult session?”

“You could say that,” he said, his mouth twitching in an ironic smile. “I’m still processing it right now.”

“Perhaps I can be of assistance. Meditating can give us a place of calm in which we can analyse our emotions.”

“I thought Vulcans didn’t have any emotions!” he blurted out. She responded with a lift of an elegant eyebrow.

“On the contrary, Commander. Vulcans have very powerful emotions. Which is why, from an early age, we learn to master them, less they control us.”

“So, what do we do?” he asked, shifting on the mat.

“Breathe evenly, Commander,” she said. “Try to clear your mind. Focus on the flame if that will help you.”

He tried to do as she instructed, concentrating on breathing slowly and the flickering flame in front of him. He had a sudden urge to touch it which he suppressed. He thought back to the session with Phlox, his feelings of anger towards Jonathan. He realised he’d been afraid of his tormentor, he’d hated him but he’d never been angry with him because he’d always been more angry at himself, for allowing Jonathan to hurt him.

He focused on the flame allowing his thoughts to drift. He could hear T’Pol talking to him, her voice soft and soothing.

“Allow your emotions to come forth and acknowledge them. Understanding is the first step towards control.”

He felt calmer as she instructed him on how to prevent his emotions overwhelming him, to analyse them one by one. Afterwards he felt very calm. They both rose from the mat.

“You have made good progress today, Commander,” she said. She turned the room lights on and extinguished the candles.

“Thank you, Commander,” he said. He felt exhausted all of a sudden so he excused himself and left. Returning to his quarters he opened a drawer and took out a holo, the one of himself with A.G. and Henry. He stared into Henry’s smiling face.

“I wasn’t to blame, Henry and neither were you. I would've left you no choice but to send me away if I'd told you and I know how deeply it would've hurt you to know the truth about your son.”

He put the holo away and got into bed. He tried the breathing techniques and the clearing of his mind that T'Pol had taught him and soon drifted off to sleep.   
  
  
  


 


	6. Now Their Work Begins

“Senior Officers to the Bridge!” Trip woke abruptly at the summons from comm. Getting out of bed, he donned his uniform and made his way out to the bridge, joining Malcolm and T’Pol in the turbolift.

“What’s happening, Cap’n?” he asked as the ‘lift journeyed upwards.

“We’ve received a communication from the _Vaankara_ , Commander,” he said. “They will be meeting us in twenty minutes.”

“Did they say why?” asked Trip as they stepped onto the bridge. Malcolm smirked as he took his seat.

“Ours is not to reason why,” he said as T’Pol and Trip moved to their stations.

Trip watched as the captain schooled his expression when the ensign on communications indicated an incoming transmission.

“Captain Malcolm Reed of the _Enterprise_.” He introduced himself perfunctorily. How can we be of assistance, _Vaankara_?”

“Captain Reed,” the tall Vulcan man inclined his head. “I am Captain Vorik. I assume you have heard the rumours of the planned attack on Colony Three?”

“We have, Captain.”

“Please come to my vessel with Commander T’Pol and your tactical officer,” he said. “We have plans to discuss.”

“We’ll be with you as soon as possible, Captain,” replied Reed.

“ _Vaankara_ out.” The Vulcans cut the connection.

“Commander Tucker, you have the bridge. T’Pol, Lieutenant Kelly, you’re with me.”

Diana Kelly and T’Pol followed the captain after handing their stations over to secondary crewman. Tucker took his place in the captain’s chair, not without a lingering look at the other man. He felt oddly nervous; he’d never been left in command of the ship before but it was a sign of Mal’s trust that he had handed command to him now.

He idly wondered about captaining his own ship one day but dismissed it with a slight shake of his head. He much preferred looking after his engine, besides he didn’t want to be apart from Malcolm. He was content where he was now, as _Enterprise_ ’s Chief Engineer and the captain’s lover. Though the latter at the moment wasn’t an actuality. He wanted it to be, he knew that but he still had his demons to fight, with the help of Phlox and T’Pol. The previous evening’s session had helped him, making him face up to the misplaced guilt and anger he’d felt.

He waited patiently for the captain and the others to return.  He checked the ship’s status, answered a couple of queries from engineering and one from Phlox. Then, feeling the need to stretch his legs, he got up to walk around the bridge but as he approached the rear of the bridge, he had a flashback.

He stumbled slightly as he recalled standing at the handrail, the bright pain of the whip coming down on his back. He stretched out a hand to the wall behind him and look around, relieved to see no one had noticed him stumble. He took a deep breath and walked back down to the captain’s chair, while recalling what T’Pol had taught him the previous night. Eventually his heart stopped hammering in his chest and he felt calmer.

Two hours later, the captain returned, looking grim.

“Commander Tucker, please join us in my ready room.” Trip followed the captain, T’Pol and Kelly into the captain’s ready room.

“I take it the rumour is fact?” asked Tucker as they all sat or perched in the ready room.

“Yes, but not in the way we thought,” replied the captain.

“Captain Vorik says that High Command believe the attack to be a diversionary tactic,” explained T’Pol. “Despite there being regular attacks on P’Jem, Vikaara and the Rigellian trade routes, there have been none in the past couple of weeks. They believe the Andorians are regrouping back in their territory to launch a massive attack on Vulcan.”

“So what do the Vulcans intend to do?” Trip asked.

“We’re going to take the bait,” said Malcolm. “The _Vaankara_ , the _T’Plana-Hath_ and the _Seleya_ are going with us to Vulcan Colony Three. We’ll be staving off an attack there. High Command hope to ambush the Andorian Fleet, once it reveals itself. They have sent out spy ships and are making more overtures to unaligned planets to gain additional allies. We will also be doing some diplomatic work of our own.”

“With your permission Captain,” said Kelly, in her musical Jamaican accent, “I’ll start liaising with the Vulcan ships’ tactical officers.”

“Do that, Lieutenant.” Malcolm nodded as the tall, dark woman left. Trip knew that Malcolm had trained the woman himself, the best of his team.

“There’ll be a strategic meeting tomorrow at 2100 hours on board the _Vaankara_. T’Pol, you’re dismissed.”

The Vulcan woman also left, leaving Trip and Malcolm alone.

Trip saw the other man’s navy eyes glittering. His first foray into battle as master of the _Enterprise_ and Trip knew he would relish the challenge. He would be decisive, efficient and ruthless.

“The ship is battle ready?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes, Cap’n,” he said. “I’ll be running some damage control drills later today. Engine’s running at 99.8% efficiency. I’m confident those new power relays I’ve installed will mean less chance of the phase cannons overloading.”

“Good work, Commander,” he said. “You’re still having your session with Phlox tonight?”

Trip frowned.

“I was thinkin’ of cancelling it. I want to run another plasma injector swap out drill. Gamma shift took over twenty minutes jus’ to swap one out last night. They oughta be able to do it in under ten.”

“Get your SIC to do it,” said Malcolm. “Trip, you need to continue your session tonight as you may have cancel the next few. I expect we’ll be going into battle tomorrow night.”

Trip stuck a tongue in his cheek then nodded.

“Aye, cap’n. If that’s all?”

“Dismissed, Commander,” Malcolm said. “And Trip? Dinner in my mess again?”

“1900, Mal.” Trip smiled at him and left.

* * *

“I thought ‘bout what you said yesterday,” Trip said to Phlox as he took his usual seat in the doctor’s office. “I guess you were right, I was angry at a lot of people, ‘cept the one I shoulda been angry at.”

“Did your meditation session with T’Pol help?”

“Yeah, it did. Been doin’ it during the day, what she showed me and it helps. I was on the bridge this morning and I had a flashback. The visualisation techniques that T’Pol showed me helped.”

Phlox nodded and smiled.

“Have you had many flashbacks?” he asked.

Trip shook his head.

“Not many recently, a couple on the bridge, one in the gym. Even the nightmares are startin’ to get less frequent. I think I actually slept the whole night through last night! Can’t remember the last time I did that! At least without some kind of sedative.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that, Charles. Those sedatives were never meant for long term use.” Phlox made a couple of notes on his PADD.

“I’d like to talk to you about your relationship with Captain Reed,” he said when he looked back up. “Have the two of you being sexually intimate?”

“You mean recently?” Trip looked at him warily.

“At all, Charles. I think it’s important to discuss exactly how far you have gone with Captain Reed.” Phlox looked at him, his bright blue eyes intense.

“We jus’ kissed, before when Archer was still in command of the ship. Malcolm was… he was…” Trip trailed off and stared at the floor.

“Captain Reed has disclosed his relationship with Jonathan Archer to me already,” he said. “How did you feel about it?”

“I tried not to think about it,” he confessed after a small interval. “He said he was doing it partly to protect me, partly because he was ordered to get a hold over Archer. I hated what he was doing but I never hated him for doing it. I’ll tell you somethin’ Doc, I’m glad he’s cut himself loose from Section 31. He ain’t said much ‘bout what he did for them, but I ain’t stupid and I can make a pretty good guess.”

Phlox nodded and made more notes on his PADD.

“How do you feel about Captain Reed?”

“I guess I was drawn to him from the moment I first saw him, I don’t know why except it seemed to me he saw through Jonathan. Even from the beginning when we first served together I had the impression that Malcolm didn’t care much for the captain. Don’t think Jonathan ever twigged jus’ how much contempt Malcolm felt for him. As I got to know Malcolm, I guess I started to fall for him. He's unlike anyone I’d ever met. Everyone else seemed to want somethin’ from me, ‘cept him.”

Phlox looked at him curiously.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Jonathan wanted to use my body, Henry wanted to use my mind. Even A.G., he wanted me for my engineerin’ skills. Don’t get me wrong, Doc, as far as Henry and A.G. are concerned they gave me a lot and I know they cared ‘bout me, but I haven’t been under any illusions as to why they would invest so much time and care into an ex slave. Malcolm’s the only person that hasn’t made any demands on me.”

Phlox smiled slightly, careful to keep his other emotions off his face.

“He cares for you very much, I can see that,” he said. “Still, I have to be absolutely certain that he isn’t trying to take advantage of you.”

“He ain’t,” said Trip, his voice firm with conviction. “He loves me and I love him. That’s why I’m here, for his sake as well as mine.”

“You said you kissed? Anything more than that?”

“I moved into his quarters after he arrested Jonathan. We started sleepin’ together and…” he trailed off and looked embarrassed.

“Charles, there is absolutely nothing you will say that will shock me,” the doctor said kindly. “You can be perfectly candid with me. I am aware of some aspects of Human sexuality, a fascinating subject, if I do say so.”

“We’d get each other off with our hands and a couple of times we sucked each other off.” The words came out in a rush and despite Phlox’s reassuring words, the engineer turned red.

“You aren’t sharing quarters any more though?”

Trip shook his head.

“No, when the trial started I moved back into my old quarters… I’m still there now.” Trip looked distressed. “They made me recount every fucking detail of what the bastard did to me. I swear to God I think some of them got off on it, especially that sleazy lawyer o’ Jonathan’s.” Trip looked up at Phlox, disgust all over his face. “They didn’t need to do that, did they? They already had his fucking confession! And that lawyer, trying to make me admit that I let Jonathan do those things to me, yeah like I enjoyed having him fuck me so hard I bled for hours afterward!” He was breathing heavily by then and Phlox looked at him with concern.

Trip closed his eyes and brought himself back under control, concentrating on slowing his breathing.

Phlox handed Trip a cup of water and the engineer gratefully gulped it down, his mouth suddenly dry as a Vulcan desert.

“All the while they were doing that they made me relive it all and Malcolm was there listening to all of it. I felt so fucking dirty and ashamed. I was scared to ask him what he thought but he never said, jus’ kept telling me to be strong. I think Jonathan told him some of what he did to me, ‘cause he knew about the last time he raped me.”

“Captain Reed did ask me about that night,” Phlox said compassionately. “He asked about your injuries.”

“Oh, God,” Trip said, distressed, “What did you tell him?”

“Only that there had been no permanent damage.”

Trip laughed humourlessly.

“I guess it depends on your definition, Doctor!”

“That’s what we’re trying to address here, Charles,” said Phlox patiently. “You fear intimacy with your lover because of your past experiences.”

Trip once again looked at the floor. He couldn’t deny it; he was afraid of putting himself into Malcolm’s hands. Yet he had done so before and the other man had never tried to push Trip into anything he was uncomfortable with. He’d said time and again he had no expectations of what Trip could give him. But it was always in the back of the engineer’s mind that the captain would eventually tire of him.

“Do you trust him, Charles?”

Trip considered the question carefully, before answering.

“With my life.”

* * *

Trip had dinner with Malcolm, T’Pol joined them as well and it was a fairly relaxed and pleasant meal. Afterwards, T’Pol meditated with him, this time in his quarters. She gifted him with a candle of his own to use, for which he thanked her profusely. She noted one of the engine models on his desk.

“I’m makin’ a start on repairin’ the ones that got broken,” he explained as he saw the direction of her gaze. “Thought it was about time I did.”

T’Pol nodded, saying nothing though she did wonder if he understood the significance of his actions.

“Good night, Commander,” was all she said before she left.

He got himself into bed thinking about Malcolm. He closed his eyes, trying to recall the first time they had made love, trying to recall the touch of the other man on him.

Malcolm would likely be in his own quarters on the other side of the deck. He thought about going to him, getting into his bed and pressing himself against the other man, but although the thought of it excited him, it also scared him.

 _Not yet_ , he thought, _but soon_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a small delay to the next chapter but hopefully I'll get it done in the next few days but I need to work on another story I'm writing.


	7. Painful Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to 4bluetiger, your comments were helpful in shaping this chapter.

“Captain,” said Phlox, attracting the ship’s CO as he exited his mess. “I wish to speak to you.”

“Can it wait? I’m rather busy.”

“No I am afraid it can’t. I need to speak to you privately.” Phlox looked firmly at the captain. “Please come with me to sickbay.”

Reed followed the doctor, hoping that he could dispense with his business quickly. They went into his office and shut the door.

“There is something I need to discuss with you before I can proceed any further with Charles. I need to sit you both down together because there is something he needs to deal with concerning your relationship with Jonathan Archer.”

The captain’s expression closed off immediately.

“That is not something I wish to discuss, nor has Trip indicated he wants to discuss it with me.”

“That may be so,” conceded Phlox. “However it is not healthy. It will continue to fester inside him and I fear the consequences of that to his well being and yours.”

“And what do you expect me to say? That I willingly entered a sexual relationship with Archer? Even while I knew what he was doing to Tucker? He already knows that!”

“I’m not interested in you talking about the facts about what you did but rather how you felt about it.”

“How I feel about? That’s none of your bloody business, Doctor!”

Once again the Denobulan attempted to be conciliatory.

“Perhaps but it certainly is Tucker’s.” He held up his hand when Reed tried to speak.

“Please, Captain, allow me to finish. Charles is struggling with his feelings of shame around what Archer did to him and what you know about it. So you do need to discuss it with him. If you are sincere in caring for him, then you will have to face up to the fact that you cannot rely on him burying his head in the sand forever.”

The captain stared at the Denobulan. He realised he was right; he relied on Trip’s ability to bury in his mind the things he couldn’t assimilate. He suspected that was why, during the times when Archer wasn’t abusing him, he was able to put up an appearance of normality to others around him. But he couldn’t do it forever, he knew, recalling Trip’s blow up several months ago when they’d had lunch together in the captain’s mess. _You can’t have me, so you fuck him instead?_

He closed his eyes briefly then composed himself.

“What do you need me to do?” he asked.

“Join us for his next counselling session. I’ve scheduled it for after lunch, 1330 hours.”

The captain stood up and nodded.

“Agreed, Doctor,” he said tightly, then left.

* * *

Trip entered the Doctor’s office for his appointment but stopped at the threshold when he saw who else was there.

“Cap’n?” he said, confused.

“Sit down Trip,” said the other man, “The doctor thinks we have something to discuss.”

Trip sat in the empty chair, looking warily between the captain and the doctor.

“Shall we begin?” said Phlox. The two men nodded. “Charles, you told me that you and Captain Reed have been intimate but not since the trial.”

Trip shifted uncomfortably in his ship, refusing to look at the captain.

“Yeah, I told you that already!”

“Could you explain why?” Trip looked at both men in consternation. To his surprise, Malcolm reached out and took his hand, squeezing it gently.

“I told you,” he said, becoming distressed. “They made me relive it. Mal, you heard everything, what he did to me, what he made me do. How can you still want me after hearin’ all o’ that?”

“Trip,” he said. “You wanted to know how I knew about what happened to you the last time Archer raped you. I had access to video surveillance in his quarters. I saw it all.”

Trip looked at him in horror.

“Oh God,” he said. “You saw all of that?” Trip bent forward, burying his face in his hands.

Malcolm turned to Phlox.

“You need to leave us,” he said firmly.

“I must insist-”

“Now!” said Malcolm sharply. “I have things that I need to tell him that I cannot discuss in front of you. I’m afraid it’s now time for you to trust me, Doctor.”

Bright blue eyes clashed with navy ones and it was the Denobulan who was the first to look away. He got up and left, closing the door behind him. Malcolm immediately went to his console and typed in a few commands, disabling the recording devices Phlox had installed in his office.

He crouched down in front of the engineer, firmly taking his hands and pulling them away from his face.

“Look at me, Trip,” he said softly. The blond head tilted up and Malcolm saw his face filled with shame. “There’s more I need to tell you and it cannot go beyond this room. Yes I saw it all, though not at the time it occurred, afterwards. It wasn’t the first time either.” He paused, aware that he was revealing privileged information.

“The video surveillance on board ship is not limited to public areas of the ship. It also extends into private areas, including crew quarters.”

“You mean you had recordings of everythin’ that happened in the captain’s quarters and mine? Why wasn’t that used as evidence at the trial?”

“Because under official records it doesn’t exist,” he said. “It was my involvement with Section 31 that allowed me access to it.”

Trip pulled his hands away from the other man.

“You saw it all, you already knew before the trial what he did to me.” He stood up abruptly, anger flashing in his solitary blue eye. “Is that when you decided you wanted me? When you saw what a good little whore I was?”

“No!” said Malcolm vehemently. “I came on this ship with an assignment, to assess Archer’s efficacy as captain. You may not have known this, but there were suspicions around Robinson’s death before _Enterprise_ even left space dock.” He took a deep breath. “I saw the transmission that he recorded for you that after Section 31 accessed his account.”

“You lied to me,” Trip said, a look of hurt on his face. “You told me that you’d only seen it jus’ before you got Jonathan’s confession!”

Malcolm shook his head.

“I didn’t lie,” he said. “I was only sent the transmission just before I got the confession. But I did neglect to tell you that I’d seen it before we came on board. I was under orders to reveal nothing of what I knew about it or the suspicion that Archer had arranged Robinson’s death. There were suspicions about what Archer was doing to you, it was assumed that you were his lover, albeit a reluctant one. But until I watched the recordings from his quarters, I had no idea of exactly what he was doing to you.”

Trip stood up again and moved away from the other man, his shoulders slumped.

“When did you first see it?”

“In June last year, my suspicions about your relationship with Archer were confirmed. I was reviewing recordings of his quarters when I came across one where you were with him in his quarters.” He paused and approached the blond haired man, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I never once thought you were a whore, Trip. And I should know; I’ve been one for eight years. I seduced both men and women to gain information, for blackmail purposes and even to commit murder. All under orders from Section 31. Jonathan Archer was just another ordered seduction.”

“You enjoyed it though,” Trip replied flatly. “You told me yourself that you enjoyed having sex with him.”

“I enjoy sex,” said Malcolm, “He was just a willing body I was ordered to use.” He came around Trip and looked up the other man. “He was no different to the other men or women who I had seduced. At least at first.”

Trip looked at him in puzzlement and dread.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“The closer I got to you, the more I felt disgusted by what I was doing with him. Yet I couldn’t stop; I performed my seduction far too well as he became attached to me and I needed that attachment to carry out my assignment.

“He didn’t know that I knew what he’d been doing to you at first. I thought he’d left you alone after I started fucking him but then I found out I was wrong.”

“I guess you weren’t quite enough for him!” Trip sneered. “Since he came to my quarters trying to fuck me and Hoshi!”

Malcolm’s face grew dark.

“That night, when he came around to you, he’d received a transmission from Admiral Gardner. In the conflict we’d had before that night, we’d allowed to Andorian ships to escape. He came looking for me but I was in sickbay, having an injury treated. He was unhappy when Phlox refused to discharge me so he could work off his frustrations with me.”

“So instead he came to me,” Trip said. “And I defied him so he punished me.”

“If I could’ve prevented that, I would’ve, Trip,” said Malcolm, softly. “I knew then I had to do something to protect you from further harm. When I watched the recording of how he punished you, I knew then that this assignment had become personal. I was no longer aiming to bring Jonathan Archer down because that was what I had been ordered to do but because he was abusing the man I loved.”

Trip looked at him in astonishment.

“You loved me even then?”

“I didn’t realise it at the time but yes, I believe I did.” Malcolm reached up to cup Trip’s cheek, lightly rubbing it with his thumb.

“Phlox told me that you feel ashamed of what Archer did to you. I feel shamed by what I let him do to me. Perhaps it’s time we move past that?”

Trip placed his hand over Malcolm’s.

“Maybe, but I don’t know how,” he said.

“One day at a time,” said the smaller man as he reached up to press his lips against Trip’s. He was elated when Trip deepened the kiss and slid his arms around him. Eventually he pulled away.

“I love you, Mal,” he said. “I want to be with you… if you’ll have me.” That note of uncertainty in Trip’s voice shattered the last of Malcolm's reserve.

“Oh, love,” he said, in a voice unused to tenderness. “I meant what I said, you can come to me anytime, as soon as you’re ready.” He pulled gently away then straightened himself.

“We have a job to do now, Commander,” he said in a firmer tone of voice, yet his eyes were soft as he gazed at his beloved. “Get to bed and get some sleep. Have Phlox give you a sedative if necessary. I fear both of us won’t be getting much sleep in the next few days.”

“Aye, sir,” said the engineer. “I’ll do that.”

  
  



	8. An Oasis Even in the Midst of War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, haven't been well and I've been trying to continue a couple of other fics.  
> I think this will be the penultimate chapter and I have made a start on the ultimate one.  
> Some sexy times in this chapter! It's actually the scene from the end of chapter 32 of Kintsugi.

Just three hours after the end of the strategy meeting on the _Vaankara_ , the four ships had intercepted a small Andorian fleet headed for Vulcan Colony Three. Battle quickly commenced, with the _Enterprise_ flanking the lead ship, _Vaankara_. In Engineering, Trip was kept busy rerouting power, assessing damage and sending out damage control teams. A number of times Trip had to cling on to the railing of the warp reactor platform as the ship was put through manoeuvres he was sure the structural framework wasn’t designed for.

So far though, they only been struck a couple of glancing blows, one that had take out the lateral sensor array and another that had done superficial damage to hull plating on the top surface of the ship.

Another sharp jerk and Trip did lose his balance, just catching himself before he plummeted down the steps.

“What happened?” he asked Rostov, who was damage monitoring.

“Torpedo just detonated just above the gymnasium” he said. “Hull plating is holding in that section but is down to 45%.”

“I’m getting a request for more power to the forward phase cannons, Commander!” announced Taylor, an EPS specialist. “I’m rerouting power from the long range sensors.”

“Good thinkin’ Taylor,” he replied. “Jennings, evacuate B and G Decks and cut all life support to those sections. Taylor, route that extra power to the hull polarisation generators.”

There was a chorus of ‘Aye, Sirs,’ from the crewman and he went back to check on the warp reactor. He absently rubbed his eye, the battle had commenced four hours ago, with an evenly matched opponent. Luckily, the _Enterprise_ had only suffered minor damage.

* * *

Another three hours later and the Andorians were finally on the run, two of their ships destroyed, one badly damaged. _T’Plana-Hath_ and _Seleya_ had also taken damage and _Vaankara_ ’s warp engines were off line, one of her warp nacelles destroyed. _Enterprise_ was facing off the remaining Andorian ship which appeared to be on a suicide run to the stricken _Vaankara_.

Reed directed the _Enterprise_ to intercept the Andorian ship, targeting her engine.

“Damn, she’s getting too close! Tanner, fly above her, then deploy the grapple, we’ll have to try and pull her away from the _Vaankara_!”

Kelly took two attempts but on the second the grapple impacted on the Andorian ship’s hull. The ship took the strain, jerking them off their feet as the engines strained to take the weight of the Andorian ship.

“Fire torpedos, take out her engines,” ordered Reed. He watched in satisfaction as Kelly did as she was ordered. The other damaged Andorian ship came in, firing on the grapple, trying to free her sister ship. Kelly targeted the engines and the ship, already weakened, was destroyed.

“Incoming message from the _Vaankara_ ,” reported Ensign Watt on communications. “They want the Andorian ship captured.”

“I figured that for myself!” muttered Reed. Out loud, he addressed Watt. “Send acknowledgement. Send a message to the Andorian ship, we require their unconditional surrender. Kelly, prepare a boarding party.”

There was a chorus of ‘Aye, sirs’ as the officers all jumped to obey.

* * *

The battle was over, the Andorian ship had been boarded, her captain dead at her own hand. The _Seleya_ and the _T’Plana-Hath_ would be taking the _Vaankara_ in tow. _Enterprise_ had minor damage and few injuries, no mortalities. He’d even received thanks from Captain Vorik, for his timely actions that prevented the destruction of the _Vaankara_.

The _Seleya_ hosted the post-battle debriefing and there it was revealed that there had been simultaneous attacks on two other of Vulcan’s colonies. The Andorians had won the Klingons as an ally, which evened up the odds in the Andorians' favour. They were now facing full scale war.

* * *

Trip was quiet at dinner that evening. Malcolm was on the verge of asking him what was wrong but decided to bide his time.

“This ain’t gonna be the last, is it?” he said. “Still, you’ve shown that you’re a capable commander, Malcolm.”

“I think I’ve shown that we’re more than just cannon fodder, Trip. I will feel better when _Columbia_ joins us.”

“Yeah, ‘bout that,” he said. “Captain Hernandez is runnin’ into problems with her warp engine. She asked if she can ‘borrow’ me for a week or so, try and get her up and running.”

It was on the tip of Malcolm’s tongue to refuse but he had no good grounds to do so.

“When would you go?”

“I could hitch a ride with the Vulcans as they take the _Vaankara_ back to a home port.”

“I’ll arrange the transfer then. Rostov can stand in for you until you return.” Malcolm looked into his lover’s blue eyes. “You will return?”

Trip leaned over and kissed Malcolm on the mouth.

“I will come back, don’t you worry none ‘bout that.”

* * *

That night, Trip packed up what he needed to take with him. Then he packed all the rest of his stuff, what little there was into a large box,ready for the morning. He remembered at the dinner, Malcolm asking if he would return. There was only one way he could show Malcolm that he meant it, that he would be coming back. He had no intention of spending another night in these quarters. Tomorrow afternoon he would be transferring over to the _Seleya_ , eventually to go to Earth. He wasn’t looking forward to the three day trip on the Vulcan vessel, but he was hopeful that the journey back would be via _Columbia_. He had a pretty good incentive to get her up to warp speed as quickly as possible.

He stripped off, showered and dressed himself in sweats and a t-shirt, before heading to the captain’s quarters. Letting himself in, he undressed and slipped into the bed. Trip smiled as Malcolm woke up and he immediately began to touch his lover, to reacquaint himself with his body. They pressed against each other and Trip moaned softly as Malcolm’s hand touched his arousal.

“What do you want, Trip?” said Malcolm softly.

“To come with you, Mal,” Trip whispered back, reaching to stroke the other man’s hard length. They worked to bring each other off and soon they were cresting over the peak together. Unmindful of the sticky mess they’d made, they wrapped themselves in each other’s arms and fell asleep. 

* * *

The next morning, Trip woke his lover with a kiss.

“I won’t need my quarters any more, Mal,” he said. “I belong with you now. When I come back, I’ll be coming back here, I’m gonna be yours.”

“And I’m yours, your captain and your lover,” said Malcolm with a sensual smile. The smile disappeared and he looked serious.

“Trip, the Vulcans are going on the offensive. They are planning a massive attack in revenge for the attacks on their colonies and with the Klingons in the fight, it makes them more dangerous. The Klingons will switch sides if we get the Andorians on the run. I’m confident we could be invading Andoria in two to three months. When that happens and we’re riding a wave of victory to Earth, I want to formalise our relationship.”

Trip looked astonished.

“You’re talking about marriage.”

Malcolm stroked his lover’s cheek.

“Yes. I love you, Charles Tucker. I want to give you everything I have, everything Jonathan Archer denied you.”

“I guess I’d better say yes,” Trip smiled before kissing Malcolm again. “I love you so damn much… I never thought I’d ever feel this way again, even less have someone else feel this way ‘bout me.”

They kissed slowly but reluctantly broke away, aware they were both on duty soon. Trip dressed quickly and returned to his quarters, showering and dressing in record time. He picked up the large box of his belongings he wasn’t taking with him to the _Seleya_ and took them to Malcolm’s, no _their_ quarters, and put it down. Malcolm had already left for the bridge. He pulled out the PADD he’d put in his pocket and laid it on the desk, he would be leaving before Malcolm returned.

On the PADD was a simple message.

_“I love you, I’ll be back soon, you have my word. If I ain’t back in three weeks, come get me, darlin’.”_

* * *

Seventeen days later, _Columbia_ dropped out of warp in a rainbow of Cerenkov radiation to come along side the waiting _Enterprise_.

“Permission to come aboard, Cap’n?”

“Permission granted, Commander Tucker. Welcome aboard, Captain Hernandez.”

The beautiful, dark haired woman smiled.

“As promised I brought back your chief engineer, Captain Reed, though I was tempted to keep him. I’m confident that you wouldn’t have allowed that.”

Malcolm smiled back at her, a wolfish smile.

“You would be correct, Captain. The _Columbia_ is ready for your first battle?”

Hernandez drew herself up confidently.

“We’re ready and eager, Captain.”

Malcolm gestured them both ahead of them.

“I’m sure you’re eager to get back to your engines, Commander,” he said, addressing Trip with a teasing note in his voice. “Rostov has done a good job in your absence, but he isn’t you.”

Trip granted him a smile.

“I’ll do that, Cap’n.” Trip held a hand out to Captain Hernandez and she shook it.

“Thanks, Ma’am, for the ride. You gotta a good team looking after your engines, so you shouldn’t be havin’ any more trouble.”

“Thank you again, Commander,” she said, smiling warmly. “And if you ever want a change of scenery…”

“I ‘ppreciate the offer,” he said, looking at Malcolm. “But I got everythin’ I want right here.” 

* * *

Trip went down to the engine room where he was warmly greeted by his crew. He was busy reviewing the duty logs when he received a summon from Phlox.

“Hey, Doc,” he said, entering sickbay. “I guess we should resume our sessions?”

“Yes, Commander, we should. However, that’s not what I brought you here for.”

Phlox led the engineer into his office and they sat.

“I believe we can restore your eye,” he said.

“What?” said Trip, astonished.

“As you are probably aware Denobulan medicine is more advanced that either Humans or Vulcans. We have had success growing replacement organs, including eyes. I will need to send a sample of your DNA to Denobula, but within the next six to seven weeks, we will have an eye for you.”

“Doc, if that’s true, that would be amazing, thank you!”

“It’s the least I can do Charles, since I’m responsible for the loss of your eye in the first place,” said Phlox quietly. “I failed in my duty to you.”

Trip slowly nodded, he couldn’t disagree with that assessment. Although he had forgiven Phlox, he hadn’t forgotten.

“I can’t guarantee a complete return of your sight as your optical nerve was partially damaged by the original infection but I’m confident we can restore at least 80%.”

“Thanks, Doc,” he said.

“If there is nothing requiring your attention now, perhaps we should have your counselling session?”

Trip nodded and they began.

* * *

 He joined the captain at dinner, nodding at T’Pol who also joined them.

“Have you been keeping up with your meditation, Commander?” she enquired.

“Sure have, Commander,” he said. “Things got a little stressful on the _Columbia_ and I found it helped to keep my temper.”

Malcolm frowned.

“What do you mean?” he said, sounding slightly accusatory. “You told me everything was fine!”

“It’s okay, Cap’n. Jus’ a couple of the crew havin’ a problem with how I did things. I soon got them convinced though.” He frowned momentarily, recalling a few whispers he’d heard in the corridors when the _Columbia_ crew thought he couldn’t hear him. It seemed they thought that half blind meant half deaf as well. _Archer’s whore, he helped send him to the gallows_ , was what he heard. He ignored it though and the whispers soon stopped when he figure out the problem with the engine, taking the time to explain it to _Columbia_ ’s chief engineer and crew. He suspected Hernandez had also had something to do with it, she had been solicitous of him when he came aboard.

He smiled at the captain, noting his worried look, touched at how protective Malcolm was about him.

“I’m glad to be back home, Cap’n,” he said. “I did get a chance to speak to the engineers on Jupiter station, in particular Commodore Jeffries. I’m confident they shouldn’t need my help with _Discovery_ and _Endeavour_.”

“I’m glad to hear it, Commander,” said Malcolm mildly. “I don’t think I want to let you go again.”

T’Pol looked away politely as she saw the heated glance between the two men. Having finished her meal, she got up.

“If you’ll excuse me, Captain,” she said. Malcolm nodded, not taking his eyes off his lover.

"Phlox says he can restore my missing eye," Trip said. Malcolm reached out and squeezed his hand.

"Yes he did tell me," said Malcolm. "Phlox and I have had a great deal to talk about." After Trip had left, Phlox had persuaded Malcolm to open up about his relationship with Archer and about some of what he did with Section 31. It had been a shock to him, not realising the damage he had done to himself, but unburdening himself onto the doctor had been cleansing. It had helped that the doctor had refrained from judging him, had simply offered him a sounding board to off load his guilt that he had carried with him. It helped because this was one burden he could never share with Trip, not wanting to revive old memories for him. He made Phlox agree not to force the issue, that he would no longer ask Malcolm to discuss his relations with Archer with Trip again, loathed to cause his beloved any more pain.

Trip looked at Malcolm enquiringly but Malcolm forestalled him with a gentle kiss.

“Let’s get back to our quarters,” he said, once he ended the kiss.

They walked there as quickly as dignity would allow them.

 


	9. A Time to Move on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter, I thought this would be a good place to wrap it up, it brings up to Chapter 32 of the original story.

Trip looked around their quarters, Malcolm had unpacked the box he’d left before he’d departed for _Columbia_ and had even had some new shelves put up for his engine models. He still need to repair a couple of them but the one he had finished repairing had pride of place in the middle. He touched it, smiling softly to himself.

“I still got some work to do,” he said as Malcolm placed a hand on his back. “But I’m getting there.” He turned to look at his lover and Malcolm knew he wasn’t just talking about the engine models.

“Did your session go well with Phlox?” Malcolm asked, as he slid an arm around the engineer’s waist.

“Yeah, think so. We talked over some of the stuff we discussed at the last coupla sessions. I had time on _Columbia_ to do some thinking as well, ‘bout us and about _him_.”

Malcolm came around him and kissed him again. Trip then slowly lowered the zip on the captain’s uniform.

“I don’t wanna talk about that now,” he said. “I missed you, Mal.” They undressed and lay down on the bed, kissing slowly and languidly, wanting to take their time reconnecting physically. Trip’s hand slowly caressed its way down Malcolm’s chest and stomach, before tangling in the curls at the base of his cock. Malcolm groaned as the hand came round to fondle his balls. even Trip sucked and licked his throat.

“Trip,” Malcolm said softly. “I wondered if you’ve thought about penetration.”

The engineer stopped and tensed.

“I have,” he said. “Truth is, it scares the hell out of me. The only experiences I have had of it were painful. I don’t think I’m even ready to do it to you, let alone you have you do to me.”

Malcolm soothed the engineer by stroking his back.

“It’s alright, love. You know I won’t ask you to do anything you don’t want to do. I just wanted to let you know that I would very much like to feel you inside me, when you’re ready.”

Trip kissed him softly.

“Thank you, Mal, that means a lot to me, that you’d trust me.” He smiled slowly at his lover. “Right now I gotta other ways to have you screaming my name!”

Malcolm chuckled as Trip pushed him onto his back.

“I’m going to hold you that!”

* * *

Afterwards, the lay together, Malcolm resting his head on Trip’s chest as they basked in the afterglow of orgasm.

“Where are we going next, Cap’n?” asked Trip.

“T’Pol and I are going to open negotiations with the Tandarans,” Malcolm said. “They’ve had problems with the Suliban, who are also rumoured to be allies of the Andorians.”

“That’s good, I heard you already got the Enolians and Xyrillians with as well?”

“T’Pol’s proven herself a successful diplomat,” Malcolm said. “Even with the Klingons allying with the Andorians, Vulcan High Command are confident of a victory. Their main fleet has already helped push the Andorian’s fleet back into their space and it’s been rumoured that the help from the Klingons isn’t as forthcoming as they’d hoped.”

Trip scowled.

“That’s ‘cause they’ll wait on the sidelines to see whose winning before jumping in on the victor’s side.”

“Yes, that appears to be the current assumption. We’ll be arriving in Tandaran space tomorrow afternoon. We’d both better get some sleep.”

* * *

The next few weeks were hectic, following the successful talks with the Tandarans, the Vulcans have gained yet more allies for their war. Andorian attempts to gain more territory were rebuffed by the Vulcan fleet. _Enterprise_ and _Columbia_ have had their share of victories and already the Vulcans were relying more on the support of the two Earth ships, both in the hands of capable commanders. Thanks to the examples set by Captains Reed and Hernandez, the Vulcans were more confident about allowing the two Earth commanders an active role in strategic planning in their latest battles.

Both Reed and Hernandez were vocal in supporting an invasion of Andorian space, to bring a war to the end. There were attempts at trying to reach a peace agreements, but all talks failed. As predicted the Klingons had withdrawn to their own borders, their alliance with the Andorians fallen apart. Yet they also rebuffed the Vulcans, despising their adherence to logic.

Eventually the time comes and after a massive victory, successfully causing the Andorian fleet to retreat back to their own solar system, the Vulcan fleets convene to discuss the invasion of Andorian space.

Both _Enterprise_ and _Columbia_ go to a Vulcan controlled space station to take on replacement torpedoes, other equipment and supplies. They also taken on a larger contingent of MACOs, who will assist Vulcan ground troops on Andoria. Reed and Hernandez spend much of their time in strategy meetings, arguing their points to the Vulcans who they feel are too conservative with their plans. Hernandez argues passionately whereas Reed is more controlled and logical in his arguments.

On _Enterprise_ , he had a frank discussion with Trip.

“Admiral V’toral came to see me after the last briefing,” he said. “He wants to make me take command of the _Dahr-halita_.”

“The second fleet?” asked Trip. “Wow, I guess you really have impressed him. That’s a real honour for you, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” said Malcolm. “ _Columbia_ will be along side us as well. We will be very much in the frontline when battle commences.”

“Any idea when that’ll be?” said Trip, trepidation in his voice.

“I have one last strategy meeting with Admiral V’toral this afternoon, a decision will be made then. Expect it to be soon.”

“ _Enterprise_ is ready,” said Trip. “The last of our supplies came up an hour ago. Major Hayes has been putting his MACOs through their paces. Impressive bunch, they are!”

Malcolm nodded, he had his own thoughts on the MACOs but he kept them to himself, even when Kelly complained about them muscling in on her territory. He’d had strong words with the Major, making it clear that Kelly was responsible for security on the ship and that Hayes reported to her. However he also said to Kelly to ensure she made use of Hayes to further train her own personnel. His intervention worked; in fact better than he’d imagined, Trip had told him that he’d seen Hayes and Kelly in a passionate clinch in the MACO training room, only yesterday.

Malcolm reached out and took Trip’s hand.

“It will be all or nothing,” he said. “The Vulcans are determined to end the Andorian threat to their peace once and for all. I suspect this maybe to do with the recent change in government. Minister T’Pau has already make her mark as a far more decisive leader than her predecessor."

Trip nodded. He knew from his studies of history that the war had dragged on so long because of the Vulcans reluctance to commit to full out war, even in the face of extreme provocation.

“The Andorians will have everything to play for, won’t they? They’ll be defending their homes from a superior force.”

“Exactly. And the desperate will try anything; including suicide runs.”

Trip squeezed his hand.

“I guess we can expect some long days ahead,” he said thoughtfully.

“I have to go, I’m expected in the briefing in half an hour.” He leaned over and kissed his lover. “I will be back later. I don’t expect us to be leaving until tomorrow at the earliest.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

* * *

Trip busied himself in engineering, running simulations, organising refreshers for combat training for his engineers and checking all maintenance tasks were up to date. His mind kept drifting to his captain and lover, and what the days ahead would bring. He knew the captain would not lead from the back and that _Enterprise_ would be facing its most challenging battle. There was the possibility that she wouldn’t return, that both he and Malcolm would be sacrificed to ensure a victory.

Yet he felt optimistic about their chances, his faith in the captain unshakeable. Somehow they would prevail. Yet there was still the risk of either him or Malcolm sustaining critical, even fatal injuries. He now knew without a doubt he couldn’t live without the other man in his life, who had taken the broken pieces of his soul and put them back together.

Malcolm duly returned and they’d had a quiet dinner with Phlox and T’Pol. Phlox had reported that Trip's new eye was growing well. T’Pol reported that the ship and crew were at readiness, for their departure the next day.

None of them were inclined to talk very much, all deep in their own thoughts, yet there was a sense of camaraderie between the four of them.

Eventually, the meal over, they went their separate ways, Phlox to sickbay, T’Pol and Malcolm to the bridge and Trip to engineering, to give their crews their final briefing. Afterwards, Malcolm and Trip went back to their quarters, Trip to tinker with his models and Malcolm, retiring to bed to read.

Trip finished the last model to be fixed and placed it carefully on the shelf. He glanced at the closed door to the bedroom, knowing Malcolm would be there waiting for him patiently. He picked up the PADD he’d asked Phlox for a couple of days ago, blushing slightly, the doctor smiling at him in understanding. He read over the information on it carefully, having made his decision to take the next step in his and Malcolm’s lovemaking. As he got up, placing the PADD on the desk, he moved to the door, opened it and looked over at his lover.

A new chapter of his life was about to begin.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it! Hope you enjoyed it. I may add some more stories to this series but I haven't any plans to do so at this time.
> 
> Acknowledgements to the Vulcan Language Institute and Waxing Moon Designs, which has been my source material for the Vulcan language and plans for the NX-01 (though I have taken some liberties here!).


End file.
